...No Risk, No Reward...

so a friend of mine, had this sayin "no risk, no reward" && ii was thinkin hella shit this applies to one thing started the thought process, which was relationships && it led to other situations...

but in a relationship if you hold back && you are not willin to take the risk && let go && let love then you will never experience the reward of being in love... its so hard for me to take a risk not knowin whats goin to happen but ii guess thats the point of it bein a risk... whats life if people didn't take risk... we see it all the time... when people drop out of school to start a career of their dreams... so why can't it be that way when it comes to fallin in love?? why can't people

...damn...

so its been some shit thats been sittin on my mind and in my heart for a few days now... ii just didnt know how to put it in words let alone write a blog about it... hell still dont know but im goin to vent and see where that goes....

the question ii keep asking myself is why cant ii let you go?? ii need to let you go... if you dont see a future with me then why am ii here? whats the point of spending time with someone and getting to know them if nothin is goin to come out of it? yes you make me smile, you make me laugh and the whole shit and ii like being around you but @ the same time how can ii be ok with where we stand eventually we move forward or we move on... ii cant waste my time thinkin and havin false hopes of this goin somewhere when its not... its crazy how you can care for someone so much that letting go may be the best thing... but @ the same time its easier said than done... when someone says "Tree how is HE doin" and all ii can do is smile... you have a ringtone that no one else in my phone has so when it rings and im in the front ii know its you! but ii WONT wait around thinking this can be more when that is not wat you want... when im @ work ii smile sometime for no reason just because ii thought about you... :) these last couple days ii have been goin crazy just thinkin that this could be our not so happy ending... :( ii dont want that, but ii have to do what makes me happy... ii care about you yes ii do but ii care about me more... ii guess its easier said than done tho.... or im just being a sissy about the shit... but hell im a girl what can ii say... and the thing thats killin me ii dont know if ii am ready to let go... ii have two choices either wait around knowin this isnt goin anywhere and take it for what it is... or ii can move on... but knowin me im not the kind of person to "take shit for what it is" and if ii leave you alone, im LEAVIN you alone!! so ii just got a lot of shit to figure out... but ii dont regret anything... and whatever decision ii make ii will have to live with that... but when ii look back on this shit in 10 years and say damn ii remember him, and im goin to still smile...

currently listenin to - Marc Dorsey ii crave

"kiss me like you will never see me again" -A. Keys

...continued with me from Swag...

got this from my potna swag.... enjoy it

10 random things bout me!

1. ii like the smell of warm rain...weird ii know
2. ii was a singer in my former life... lmao
3. ii want to quit my job @ the beginning of 09
4. ii want a motorcycle so ii can wear a cute ass motorcycle jacket!
5. my dream car is a 67 nova all white with hot pink stirpes and big hot pink B's in the front seats and BarBiiEz on the back seat in cursive and pink and chrome 24' rims
6. ii like black sheets and curtains
7. im a PlayStation kind of girl
8. ii love Hawaiian punch
9. ii want lauren Hill to come out with a new album
10. ii hate wakin up early

9 things to win my heart..

1. honesty
2. love me
3. trust me
4. be confident, sometimes cocky
5. have goals
6. have fun/be funny
7. take pride in your appearance
8. a good kisser/hugger
9. romantic


8 things I wanna do before I die...

1. Get Married
2. Give a Speech in front if 50,000 or more.. doesnt matter the topic
3. kiss in the rain (fairytale-ish ii know)
4. have children
5. buy and own property
6. have my own reality show
7. meet Oprah
8. graduate college

7 ways to annoy me..

1. gettin annoyed when ii am annoyed, when you dont have a real reason too
2. ignorance
3. goin through my phone
4. not returnin my calls
5. people who dont fill up the ice trays
6. being a follower
7. hatin

6 Things I believe in..

1. ME
2. true love
3. god
4. my sister
5. tellin the truth
6. everyhting happens for a reason

5 things im afraid of..

1. heartbreak
2. failure
3. bugs of any kind
4. gettin bit by a dog
5. being broke

4 of my favorite things

1. HIM/SABRINA/SIERRA
2. music
3. the drive- in theaters
4. my boobies :)

3 things I do everyday

1. smile
2. thank god
3. read my horoscope

2 Things I want to do right now

1. talk to him
2. finish my homework

1 Person I want to see.

1. Barak Obama

...school...

so for the past three years ii basically had to but my education goals on hold due to the fact that ii needed to put my sister through skool, && ii dont regret one second of it!! My networth almost doubled each year, my sister is going to be a college graduate in Dec. 08 && ii am so proud of her!! now its my turn!! ii am so ready to get skool out the way... ii think everyone has a path && this was mine... as ii sat back && though about all the shit ii had to go through in the past three years made me stronger... from heartbreak to birthdays, from car accidents to kickbacks with my friends, from startin my own business to hittin ground zero && startin all over! it was all worth it... ii couldn't say that three years ago ii knew wat ii wanted to do in life or wat ii wanted out of life... now i've been through enough to know some of the things ii dont want... but I'm just takin the first step of this new journey... my goals are to get in get done then move on... its time for a change!!

"fallin down aint fallin if you dont cry when you hit the floor" -A. Keys

...@ what cost...

so ii had this convo a few minutes ago...

Da Bruh:... I mean u are heeeeeeeeeeella popular
mE: && I'm so not popular
Da Bruh: Yeah u is
mE: how u figure?
Da Bruh: Eeerybody know yo name
mE: how ??
mE: they know me as Tree they dont know Satrina
mE: there's a difference
Da Bruh: Cuz eerybody I know basically know you or know of you
mE: how??
mE: lol
Da Bruh: Ppl know jay-z not shawn carter?
Da Bruh: So aint no difference. . .u famous cuuz accept it! Haaha
mE: lol u right
Da Bruh: Haaha
mE: but I'm so not popular
Da Bruh: Let you tell it. . .

&& my "special someone" always says too me "you that nigga" && ii dont see it... nor do ii even realize it... my thoughts are in order to get anywhere you have to know people.... cuz its not about wat you know but who u know!! I'm a strong believer in that... but comin from my bruh && then from "my special someon" are two totally different feelings... comin from my bruh, I'm proud that people know me && know my business && work... proud that when people talk about me its good shit && if its not then I'm still ok with that.... but comin from my special someone it feels like ii have the defend my "popularity" or whatever you wanna call it... && it can also be seen as a flaw, that ii do know many people :[

but ii guess ii do know a lot of people && people know me... but how will ii get to the level of success ii want if ii dont know people... as long as ii am not lettin know the side of me that my special someone knows right.... but showin is better than sayin... so we will see...

Sent via Tree's Sidekick lx

...motives...

sometime ii meet people && ii know they have a pre made agenda for the way they do things or the people they meet or get to know... but in the situation in talkin about ii never know what this person's motives are ii mean maybe there are none but what is the point in keeping a person around if nothings goin 2 change?? for me, my motives are simple && clear, ii need somethin meaningful... more than a friend, more than a lover but both... ii need a companion!! my motives are to find someone who completes me... but if ii dont know what yours are then ii can only assume the worse... :( sad 2 say it but its how I'm feelin...

sent via Tree's Sidekick

...today is the day...

ii am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason!!! well ii can say that today is the day that ii am "OFFICIALLY CAUGHT" ii have been with dudes in the past that made me happy but never as comfortable as you do... its crazy to cuz this shit was a game @ first no feelings involved... but it happened... its crazy the different 24 hours could make... ii like the fact that ii can be who ii am really am around you... FLAWS AND ALL!!! LOL but ii hope this plays out to be a good situation no matter what comes of it... but ii hope your here to stay a while :) ii FUCKS wit you!! LOL

no expectations, no regrets

this sayin "no expectations, no regrets" is really throwing me for a loop... there is a lot of underlinin thoughts that go with this statement... if someone doesnt expect anything for you && you give them everythin it will be the same as givin them nothin... they may appreciate it... but to me it means nothin... me personally, ii believe you tell this to someone you dont really care about, or in the beginnin of a growin relationship... but not when a situation iš comfortable... ii guess ii am the kind of person who expects certain things from certain people... for example my bestfriend, ii expect her to be there when ii really need her, or a person "that ii fucks with"... ii expect them to answer the phone when ii call, or call/text to see how my day is goin... my mom ii expect her to ride my back 24/7!! ii expect things from people all the time... ii care about all these people, yes people ii dont care about or dont know ii won't have expectations for!! but ii guess its because ii care too much about you!!!

"never regret something that makes you smile"

... how can we...

ok last night was one wack ass night! a friend of mine got pissy drunk and was doin shit that was so out of character, then was actin like they weren't drunk!! kinda irritating right... so ii was goin 2 spend a lot of time talkin about the entire night cuz there is so much shit ii can say but ii said it all to my bestfriend but ii did realize something as ii was talkin to her... its so weird as "girls" we want to be there for our friends, we dont want to see them hurt or sad!! my bestfriend && ii are both in situations with dudes that we are both very much confused about... we were so quick to give the other one advice but we can't figure out our own situations!! && we are both libras... which means we are problem solvers, peace makers, && big softies for love, && we want our friends to be happy!! the fact that we both just did this in the same conversation is crazy!! we both said well ii dunno what im gonna do as the other one continued to give advice!! but can't give advice in our own situations!! ii guess its easier to comment on somethin when your on the outside lookin in!!

ii couldn't ask for a better bestfriend!! ii love her!! est. 2000!! we are more alike then we know it!

...how hard can it be...

ii am at the point in my life where ii am strong enough to tell people how ii feel with no hesitation... some things are worded differently, just depends on who I'm talkin to... but ii think ii like someone so much that ii cant tell him... ii won't tell him... ii won't even show it the way ii want too... sometimes ii wanna call him && ii won't... ii think about him atleast 5 times out of everyday... but he will never know this!! ii guess I'm down playin the situation in hopes that my feelings will go away because ii dont know if he feels the same way... I'm not the type to put myself out there not knowin wat I'm goin 2 come back with... its hard enough hidin my true feelings
but when I'm around him it just makes it all the worse... lol ii get like a little ass kid all over again... but my ego won't allow me to show him any of this... ii know some part of him likes bein around me, enjoys my personality lol "he my nigga" ii mean if he didn't then ii wouldn't be writin this blog... but ii dont know how long its goin to take me 2 let him know... or if ii will ever let him know... the libra in me is @ its best in this situation!! good thing he dont read my blogs... haha

Perfect... am ii??

OCTOBER =PERFECT
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
ii would like to think ii am all theses things!! so yea I'm a great person!! but wat happens when you have two of these types of people, how perfect can they be together?? just some shit im thinkin about right now!!

...is it a big deal...

my friends are ii are a very small tight circle... its only 5 of us!! (they know who they are) and ii love them all to death for all different reasons... ii have my bestest also too... but the big question of the night is... how big of a deal is it for your friends to like the person you are kickin it with?? its crazy cuz ii can argue both sides of this question..... but personally ii think it is... when there are social gatherings between my friends and ii... ii dont want it to be any uncomfortable silence, or distance.... its crazy cuz ii try to make an effort to make my friends "partners" feel comfortable... and ii want my friends to do the same... but what if they dont like him?? he cant come around? its a very hard situation to be in.... if ii am havin problems with that person that will ii be able to talk to my friends about it? or will the fact that they dont like him cloud their judgement?? damn its crazy... ii just want everyone to be a big happy family but ii know things dont always go that way... so hey...

...Flaws && all...

if u cant love me for my flaws then y love me @ all???

Flaws:

ii want things to go my way, and when they dont im irritated

ii curse a lot!! maybe more than a sailor

ii dont give people room to fuck up

ii hate being wrong

ii leave hair in the bathroom sometime

ii leave cups on the table sometime

ii go out a lot

ii have a lot of male friends

ii am slightly shallow... just a tad bit!

ii nag @ times...


ii am sure that there are more that ii cant think of right now.... but everyone has flaws, ii can admitt mine.... if u cant accept that then u cant accept me... fa real!!! thats all apart of me


Great Qualities:

Smart

Funny

im a motivator... ii want to do well and see other people do well

networking

great cook

a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets

im a cleaner!! ii hate dirty houses!!

im strong!! im not a worrier.... ii dont dwell on the past

all momz love me!!

ii get my own money!!!

ii know how to love

ii watch sports

that is some of the great things about me!!! you cant have one part of me and not have the other... u have to have it all.... if u cant take me @ my worse wat makes u think u deserve me @ my BEST??? thats just something ii had on my mind!!!

Beyonce said it best

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

...WTF...

and just like that another one bites the dust.... im so tired of dudes thinkin that im the type of girl to just be fuckin on??? like fa real... wat makes niggas think that... why because of the way ii dress when ii go out??? the shit ii say??? ii mean let me know wat it is, cuz ii dont know.... its a trip how they really think that im goin be all for it too, and for me sex is a big deal!! ii dont fuck on every dude that ii talk to shit some can tell u... we talked for a while and they never hit... but y is it that niggas think they gonna be fuckin me and thats it... ii dont do fuck buddies, ii dont waste my time with dudes if the shit aint goin no where?? y add to my count if ii dont have too?? im sayin in some situations hey a girls got needs but that dont mean we on sum shit like that... if the situation comes to that then ii want to be sure that ii am the only one he fuckin and im only fuckin him... its scary to know wat you can get infected with!! all because you are "fucking" im not man bashing or nothin like that, but fa real im not the fuck buddy type, and ii know im not... so y would ii put myself in that situation.. if ii care for someone ii dont want them fuckin on anyone else... ii aint gonna fuck on anyone that ii dont care about! PERIOD!! ii just cant stand that shit!! ii guess thats a downfall to my flitatious personality.... ii guess people wanna fuck TREE they dont wanna fuck SATRINA!!! people really only know TREE!!! they dont know Satrina.... but thats a whole different story!!!

man o man

summer is here!! ii am so ready for this summer... it seems like this has not been one of my best years... it started off rough and it didnt seem to get any better... damn ii aint never had to struggle this much... but its like ii got to a place in my life and ii was content with that, ii wasnt really moving forward. I was to comfortable where i was. so ii guess everything that is goin on right now is a wake-up call... tellin me its never time to slack or get comfortable you never know wats goin to happen... ii cant believe ii didnt see this until something bad happened to me! this is crazy... but ii guess thats all apart of growning up, right?? Its time for me to stop moppin around and feeling bad cuz thats not helping my situation! ii have to go back to my daily check it and goals to see if ii am staying on track! this is not goin to defeat me.... so many people have it worse than ii do... and ii am acting like it is the end of the world! damn ii need to suck this shit up and take it!!! this is just one part of my life it does not define who ii am!! but now that ii am expressing it ii can move forward!!! one day at a time!

...ii luv yo man...

There is this special person who ii love being around, we have a good time, a lot in common the whole shit, but he has baggage... shit that ii dont want to deal with... but ii cant seem to let him go... ii leave him alone, he come back, ii yell and scream, we wont talk for a while then after awhile ii find myself talkin to his ass again!!!

hes not my man, hes someone else's, someone's father, someone's baby dad.... ii cant allow myself to get serious with this man as long as there is a thought in my mind that he is still fucking her... fa real...

ii have friends that have children and they still have some type of sexual relations with the father of their children. It may not be on a regular but it is every so often. and some of the fathers are in outside ralationships...

ii dont want to be that woman... ii refuse to be her! if ii have to worry about the mother of your child then there is nothing that you and ii could possibly have, its all about trust!! and if ii dont believe that you will never have sexual intercourse with the mother of your children then ii will never have faith in the relationship you are tryin to build with me...

im not goin to act like im givin u all of me, or even committin to anything but we will see what happeneds...

u say u want to see me happy... and u know u havent made me happy in a long time!! but one last go around ii guess? :/

101 likes

Here are my 101 likes... ii know it took me a while! but here they are!! They are not in any order!! enjoy!!

1. bein naked... whether I'm layin down or walkin around dont matter lol

2. fire places

3. laughing so hard my stomach hurts

4. aimin

5. kissing

6. when a boy sings a song 2 me knowin he can't sing

7. slow jamz

8. having fun with my friends

9. MAC make-up && lipgloss

10. takin pics

11. midori sour =) my fav

12. when ii get off work early

13. singin hella loud in the car

14. boys that give head... time 2 grow the fuck up

15. kisses on the forehead

16. breakfast @ dinner time

17. spring time

18. air force 1's && j's

19. singin in the shower

20. big sun glasses

21. tube tops

22. mini babe ruth candy bars

23. when dudes rub my feet

24. dinner parties && kick backs

25. hot pockets && pizza rolls

26. havin a twin sister

27. havin inside jokes with my friends

28. creatin && designing always takes me 2 a happy place

29. watchin movies when its raining outside

30. love love love bein in the movie theater

31. kids

32. Five Heartbeats! its better than the Temptations... lol

33. puzzles--word puzzles && sudoku stuff like that

34. watchin crime shows

35. air plane flights... of course the ones that are not hella crowded!! ii love it! lol

36. cuddling

37. tall boys! 6'0 && taller! tall && skinny! haha

38. cute ass boy shorts

39. when my panties && bra matches

40. eatin out

41. wearin flats

42. eatin ice cream when its cold

43. tote bags && large purses

44. goin to jon's incredible! haha

45. Birthdays!! ii have the best time

46. my sidekick! ii have had just about all of em except that wack ass ID && the slide!

47. polka dots

48. writting poetry

49. positive people

50. new year's eve! its the best

51. Alvin && the chipmunks!

52. dancin

53. ii love a boy that can hug

54. reading eric jerome dickey

55. havin stimulatin conversations

56. Travelin... ii want to do so much more

57. collectin change

58. Martin, Fresh Prince, Living Single, sister sister

59. large sofas with big pillows

60. boys with tattoos! =] lol

61. fluffy pillows

62. Grey Gooses

63. gettin my nails, feet, hair && eyebrows done

64. writtin on the sidewalk with chalk

65. looking @ pictures

66. free stuff

67. spring time

68. road trips

69. when people notice that ii did somethin new with my hair

70. being myself

71. pay days! who doesn't love em? lol

72. Learnin new things

73. Livin next door to brandy

74. reading other people's blogs

75. valentine's day

76. when my gas tank is full! ii love that feelin

77. helpin people out

78. computer, yea I'm a nerd! so wat? lol

79. the lifestyle that ii live

80. cute fire fighters

81. skinny leg jeans

82. Torrid!! luvs it

83. my glasses

84. gold jewelry

85. train rides

86. motocycles.. && motocycle boys! haha

87. Sex && the city

88. lexus Trucks all of em

89. goin 2 museums... love the free exibits @ crocker art on sundays! lol

90. black carpet

91. matchin bedding... (sheets, pillows, comforter etc)

92. The BarBiieZ

93. Hot Chocolate brand of folders && planners

94. super wal-mart!! man my favorite store

95. summer dresses

96. Salt Waters

97. playin in water! the best! beaches, water parks! man ii love it!!

98. sea food

99. real love

100. drivin in a covertable with the top down && letting my hair blow in the wind

101. friday nights @ Teonna's!

...if it aint one thing its another...

so ii been down && out lately cuz my car been actin up... so I'm like fuck my life is over!! ii can't afford to not have a car it just make things that much harder... ii swear everytime ii turn around it somethin!! uuggghhh!! so I'm goin to have 2 change a few things put a few things on hold all cuz of my car!! its gonna cost 1300 for the part itself && then labor is goin 2 be a bitch 2!! ii think if ii do everythin right tho ii can have the money in two weeks! maybe three!! but fuck ii work hard for my money && it seems like my car eats it up! ii mean wat am ii gonna do for the next couple weeks? catch the bus? ask for rides? use someone's car?? ii am goin 2 have to bite the bullet on some of this shit... ii will catch the bus b4 ii depend on anyone to pick me up all the time!! ii know wat ii got aint 2 good 2 get on the bus however if ii dont have to then ii wouldn't want 2... but ii will say that ii am humbled by this situation because ii've had a car since ii was 18 never been on the bus since && now I'm takin 3 steps back!! uggghh! whatev tho... imma be mia for a while!! my feelings are really hurt right now!!

...summer fling...

ok so like two summers ago ii had a summer fling and it was coo for what it was nothing to serious... we continued to talk for the last two years and now he is comin back and of course ii want to kick it with him but am ii looking for a fling? ii mean the bestest said why waste ur time adding numbers if u cant see a future with that person! like fa real! ii agree but ii am looking to have fun and chill nothin serious but ii am too old to have a "fuck buddy" but he is coo... but hey we will see what happends this summer! im looking forward to it! really ii am!! yay

the short "do"

so ii finally found time in my day that ii can post everyday... lol hopefully it works out this time!!!



so this summer ii decided to try a few short hair styles!! ii want to see how they work out for me... but this is the first of many!! ii guess you can say that this is a start of a new me!! a woman's hair means so much so its important for me to find something that will work out!! enjoy!!

... a bad start 2 my day...

last night ii went 2 bed early... thinkin ii was goin 2 have a great start today... well no it didn't work out that way...

first ii woke up @ 6 this moring && had a sore throat! how random is that?? so ii had my mom drug me up b4 she went 2 work... so ii had a theraful by 7 && was back sleep by 7:30!! so my sister calls me talkin bout she needs me 2 go 2 the bank && make a deposit for her... that was about 11... so ii tell her ii dont feel like goin right now so ii told her I'd go when ii leave for work...

so we stared arguin for no reason then she was worked up then it went to screaming && yellin!!

ii get so mad when people want you 2 jump when they say jump!! or ask how high!! ii will never understand what she is goin through 3,000 miles away && she will never understand what ii am goin through here!! we are on two different sides of the fence && can't find a way 2 meet in the middle!! we havin been doin this four years now && we havent ever argued like this!! ii dont think she understands how hard ii work!! just like ii dont understand how hard she has to work.... but my feeling get really hurt when ii can't do for her! ii work for both of us! money means nothin 2 me... NOTHIN! but thats y ii have fears of bein broke becuase ii know if I'm broke then my sister is 3,000 miles away in the same situation!! && ii won't have that!! so many people have said what they were gonna do for her, && no one did anythin but me... now dont get me wrong she has helped me out 2... she helped me get my first car... ii hate when we fight like this fa real!! but enough of this bad day already!! work sucksss 2day!! ugh ii wanna go home!!

... 101 dislikes...

1. Lien man this is my number 1 dislike... all the rest aren't in order

2. Rude People

3. white girls that wanna be black or call themselves "snowbunnies"

4. people that stare

5. when people leave their clothers in the dryer for hella days

6. stank breath

7. dirty dishes

8. when theirs nothin on tv && ii got hella channels... what the hell am ii payin for?

9. when people assume shit about me

10. loud ass people

11. people who always play the "victim" role

12. dirty nails

13. when people put their feet on me

14. when people cut me off in traffic, to go the same speed as me or slower

15. when people drink && drive

16. when dudes that ii "talk to" ask for money... no nigga you aint gettin nothin

17. when ii get 2 cold that ii can't sleep

18. when people repeat the same song over && over again...

19. high water pants!

20. ignorance

21. multi-colored hair

22. when people lace their shoes so tight that the sides are touchin.. lol

23. when ii get out of my bed && ii step on somethin

24. the smell of cigarettes

25. haters

26. beggin ass people

27. when people drive hella slow in the fast lane

28. window shoppin... y do it, you can't get it && when you do go back its gonna be gone! lol

29. people who can't take a joke

30. when my socks get holes in them @ the top

31. a dirty ass bathroom

32. broke ass people

33. fake people

34. when dudes have sweat stains under their arms

35. pissy drunk people

36. when people who drive nice cars, take up two spaces in a crowded ass lot

37. gossip

38. rumors

39. dudes who can't hold a decent conversation

40. over crowded clubs

41. when people say "shhhh" to me

42. when people grab my feet to wake me up...

43. people that drive crazy in the rain

44. dirty shirts && shoes

45. when people call me "big momma"

46. when AIM be trippin... if you got a sidekick you know exactly what I'm talkin about

47. childern who dont act their age

48. women who justify why their man cheats

49. slow ass waiters && waitresses

50. deordorant stains

51. when people run out of gas... stop bein lazy and get gas... damn

52. when people get irritated becuase I'm irritated

53. girls that can't walk in heals... dont wear them if you cant walk duh

54. people who try 2 hard

55. lames

56. when people park in my spot

57. blocked numbers

58. people that call my phone && say "who's this"

59. when my sister stares @ me hella close 2 my face when I'm tryin 2 go 2 sleep

60. when somethin spills in my purse ugh

61. police who are hella rude just cuz they are police

62. gold diggers

63. when I'm wrong

64. when my mirror gets dirty

65. when people play loud ass music when I'm sleep

66. bannanas

67. people that wear clothes that are too small

68. when people take pictures of their money... wats the point?? if u got money then people will know

69. cheap lip gloss

70. when people send me the same text over && over

71. tomato soup

72. bugs... all types

73. wearing panties

74. when people step on my toes

75. when ii stub my toe

76. non dancin ass people

77. all of my ex's

78. females who blame another female for their man cheatin when they didn't know about her in the first place

79. dirty carpets

80. when people forget 2 flush the toilet!! eeww

81. followers

82. when my battery on my phone dies

83. crowded ass groccery stores

84. people that say "oh ur pretty for a big girl" why can't ii just be pretty damn??

85. when dudes that ii dont know slap my butt

86. lazy people

87. people that talk too much

88. when people got hella beat in their car && all you hear is the lisence plate shaking

89. when gas stations are hella full

90. when people burn eggs... lol

91. when its too hot to breathe outside

92. when people ask for my opinion then get mad

93. when a dude puts his head on my shoulder when we are @ the movies

94. gettin pinched

95. having a flat tire

96. when my cell phone looses service

97. nappy afros

98. chapped lips

99. silk short sleeve shirts

100. this whole "modelin" epidemic

101. when people steal my change... ii collect change it everywhere && ii know when people steal it!

make sure you do your 101 likes && dislikes... my likes are comin soon!! =)

...who really cares...

some days you feel like no one cares... well 2day is that day!! man I'm movin a million miles an hour with gettin things 2gether for my plus size pagent, getting a second job, doin graphics, setting up photo shoots, going to work, tryin 2 find a spot with my girls && tryin 2 sleep!! It seems like when ii am hella tired or dont feel like talkin on the phone or somethin I'm the bad guy!! I'm bein rude or somethin... FUCK!! ii got problems of mine own ii dont got time 2 listen 2 the next man's... ii got tough skin so ii dont complain a lot but damn can ii get a break!! ii dont think people really understand how hard ii really work... like fa real!! ughhh im so ready to scream but ii will scream @ the top of my lungs when ii am successful && rich!! then imma scream @ everyone that didn't understand!! && all the people who was mad cuz ii didn't listen 2 their "man" problems will be alright!! fa real!!

...April Fool's Day...

my my my where do ii start with april fool's day!! yesterday a friend of mine played the worse april fool's joke... he pretended that he had passed away... he and his bestfriend decided to play this trick on people!!! there were pics up on myspace and everything... so when ii was informed of this ii of course believed it because ii didnt think that GROWN ASS ADULTS would play a april fools joke that serious!!! so ii started cryin right away!! ii couldnt help but to cry he is someone that is close enough for me to cry!!! ii was so worried it was crazy!!! ii was scared and nervous!! and to top it all off ii didnt think it was a joke!!! so this morning ii was told that it was a joke and ii was FURIOUS!!! its not that it was a joke its the fact that DEATH was involved!! you dont play with death like that.... callin someone and playin like your a radio host and they have just won some money sum shit like that not DEATH!! does anybody else realize how serious this is... and no ii wont look back on this and think ii over reacted!!! I cant stand that people think this shit was ok or funny haha well im not laughin!!!

... disappointment...

sometimes ii feel that ii put too much trust in people and sometimes it back fires on me! i am nice maybe too nice and people take advantage of me. I say its ok once and they think they can do it again! yes, i am a very strong person but i dont sweat the small things, but the little things add up and it just makes me so mad sometime when people do that. Maybe its my fault for not expressing how ii really felt about certain situations!! but hey everything happens for a reason!! ii think ii expect too much from people so im always let down in the end. From relationships to friendships. ii feel that people should treat me like ii would treat them but the world doesnt work that way! so oh well right??

...40 year old drama queen...

ok so my big bro ii went to highschool with was celebrating his little girls birthday && he invited me so ii wanted to know if my bestfriend could come 2 && he was like sure!! ii had 2 ask because 5 years ago, yes 5 years ago there was some drama with his babymom && my bestfriends sister! so my bestfriend && ii go the party for a 3 year old && we are enjoyin seein eveyone from high school chit chattin... not 2 much... we are there a good 15 minutes before my bro baby mom's mother walks in... ii speak to her because we all used to be friends so ii was taught to respect your elders! ii spoke && she had an attitude... so my bestfriend && ii felt the tention... she walks in her daughters room && says why is she here && everyone hears her! so the 40 year old comes out the room && says "its too many kids in here" then continues on to say "why are you here" pointing to my bestfriend... she replys by sayin well ii was told ii was invited the 40 year old says "well ii dont like it, you gotta get up out of my daughter house" so my bestfriend is like ok!! so ii chuck up my duces with a smile && we walk out with class!!!

ok the 40 year old hellla ignorant!! ii feel the situation that happened 5 years ago is over && done with!! if her daughter had a problem with it she would have said somethin when we walked in. In high school she wasn't the kind of girl to bite her tounge so ii know if she didn't want my bestfriend in her house then she should have said something! ii think that parents should never be apart of "high school" drama!! ii mean fuck it was high school!! who's mom does that?? damn... it was 5 years ago!! get over it!! so irritated by this... my mom would have never done this! who gets into high school drama!!!

... ii want a reality show...

as ii was watchin tv... all these reality shows were poppin up randomly... tryin 2 find people "true love".. new york, flav, tila, && now daminico!!! man if they got shows ii deserve a damn show!! find me true love!!! ii got a story plot that would go through the roof right now!!! I'd have everyone watching my show!! just watch someone is goin 2 pick it up!! lol ur gonna see me on tv!!

...Friends...

... how many of us have them, friends... lol

ii think ii am very lucky 2 have all the people around me that ii do!! my friends are the family that ii pick!! ii dont have 2 have them iiN my life... but ii do!! if ever ii have considered you a friend then you are someone special to me... ii am a very loyal person so friends mean a lot me...

iiN earlier blogs, it tells you that I'm goin through a tough situation right now... this weekend with my inner circle was just what ii needed! ii just needed time with them, to take my mind off the situation @ hand!! it made me realize ii have a great life, friends that love me and family who cares... ii dont HAVE to deal with this!! fa real!! why am ii wastin my time?? its easier said than done but its waaayyy easier with my friends around!! so thanks 2 all my friends this ones for you!!!

song of the day---> Mary J's Just Fine!

Bein Me

ii am also a poet... ii've been writing since ii was about 13 or 14 years old... and this is like my "signature" piece... enjoy it!!!

ii am a proud fat girl
ii am not a size 4 nor am ii someone's whore
but ii will tell you what ii am

ii am smart, sophisticated, & very talented
I'm not disrespectful or rude
but if you make me mad
ii will get an attitude

guys look @ me and sum say "ooohh baby, wats up witchu"
and others they dont even look my way

but that doesn't discourage me, imma keep doin my thug thang

ii dont need charity or anybody feelin sorry for me cuz ii am happy with my fat feet big thighs && wide hips!

to all the big girls iiN the world, we are no longer called fat, obese, over-weight or healthy

we are now "stupid thick" & not stupid for thinkin we thick!

there is no one that can tell me ii am not a queen because ii know ii am
&& if bein me means bein fat well then ii am happy with that!

Satrina "Tree" Love

...Today is good day...

well I'm off to a new start... ii will offiically let him go... there is no turning back!! ii know ii can't just turn my feelings off but ii can't think with my heart ii have 2 think with my head!! thats the only way ii will get through this... ii mean damn its crazy when everythin feels so right somethin has 2 go wrong.... but I'm a stronger beliver iiN "everything happens for a reason" god has a plan for me... so I'm iiN no rush...

y ii am so cold-hearted!!

your first reaction is the right one... ii live by that!! if thats how ii reacted then thats how ii felt... and this is how I'm feeling!!

so this dude ii was dealin with added fuel to the fire... why I'm so cold-hearted...

ii mean I'm a strong girl, ii dont wear my heart on my sleeve, and more times than most its hard 2 get to know me!! but this dude really just let me down ... I'm more hurt than mad because ii gave him a second chance to prove me wrong...

so ii knew he had a baby mom... shit ii was the one who he was with when she went into labor!! ii dropped him off @ the fuckin hospital!! he tells me ohh I'm not fuckin wit her aint fucked wit her iiN hella long... this and that!! but ii know baby's mom is another word for "steady pussy" meanin it aint goin no where!! the mother of my child is verrry different!! but so he had been tryin 2 get @ me for a while waaayyy before the baby situation.. I'm like no we friends we can kick it be coo ya know but thats it, ii loved bein around him, kickin it wit him... everythin so ii wasn't ready 2 let him go... everyday he like Tree ii wanna be wit you and only you... nobody else... ii can't see you with anyone else...

but 2day, took the fuckin cake!!

we are textin! and all of a sudden his baby moms is textin me all ii say is "blood take that up with your baby dad" I'm not his girl so whatev... then she calls me .. so I'm like wooow... ii didn't lose my cool yet! she says to him "gimme a kiss baby" and he does ii hear that shit then she says... "here satrina wants to talk to you" he says "who" and then ii LOSE it!! he acted like he didn't know me.. damn how does that make me feel?? so he starts lien && sum mo' shit!! so he hangs up the phone, then she calls me back... askin hella questions so I'm honest with her... I'm hott @ this point!! so ii tell her 2 put me on speakerphone and thats when ii really fly off the handle... I'm like you lien ass punk! you just seen me the other night!! fuckin punk!! when ii did stop talkin 2 yo faggot ass you begged me back!! told me all kinda shit... you know but I was still like no, but it was different this time so ii decided to give him another chance... that was a little while ago... so we been coo ever since...

if he woulda atleast acted like he knew me ii dont think ii would been that mad... ii woulda been like hey oh well... but damn dont dismiss me like I'm nothin!

so last night he told me he was fallin iiN love wit "Tree" and already loved Satrina!! wow! did he do all this just 2 try 2 fuck me?? cuz ii NEVER fucked him!! ii thought he would have been the one 2 give me something more than sex... so ii waited and yes I'm glad ii did...

does she know about me?? all the times we talked?? when she was havin the baby he was with me... kissed me goodbye everything!! @ his grandpa's house @ his moms house iiN the blue room!! he's fallin iiN love!! damn thats deep! cuz ii been around for the past 6 or 7 months.. but he been tryin 2 get @ me for the past year!

and you know what, it wasn't game... ii know he can't honestly say he didn't... if it was all about sex, most dudes would have moved on after the first 5 nos! but yes he was persistant! and still is cuz he still aint "pulled down my drawls" as he would say... he knows that ii did him right, even tho he wasn't my dude he knows ii was there and ii woulda been!! and vice versa!! aint no way!! he coulda been playin a game!!

but hey you win sum you lose sum.. right? so another sad love song... ;(

did u know this about me....

So here are the 7 things people dont know about me:

--->ii am afraid of going broke, its not like ii am obsessed with money or nothin. im not selfish with it nothin like that, but as a child we didnt have much... my mom provided the best way she could, did what she had to do to feed us. But ii dont ever want to live pay check to pay check. So as soon as ii turned 14 ii got a job and ii paid for school clothes and saved the rest in case of a rainy day! ii have worked hard ever since that summer. At one point in my life ii worked three jobs. ii feel that if ii ave less than $300 in the bank then im close to broke, but no matter what ii would never let anyone know that or will ii show it... so yes im afraid of going broke.


--->ii love love chocolate milk.. lol kinda wack but ii love it.. and ii like it homemade... ii just get the nesquik and some icey cold milk and make it... lol mad its the bomb... id drink it over soda, juice.. everything... if ii can make it on my own then hellz yes!!! hahah

--->ii am a reader, ii enjoy reading all types of novels... my favorites are fiction romance... lol ii read Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris, Zane, Sistah Soulja, Michael Baisden, Omar Tryee etc... my favorite book right now is Men Cry in the Dark by Michael Baisden... ii wear my glasses and read mostly @ night when im gettin ready to go to bed, if im not too tired... lol [[so old lady like]] but this is not something that ii tell alot of people... my collection is pretty diverse! come check me out! lol

--->ii am a little cold-hearted... ii well maybe more than a little... but ii didnt grow up with a father, just my mom and my brother and my sister.... my step-dad was around but it still was an un-healthy... its hard for someone to really get to know me as far as a male companion... im not too trustin sometime emotionless.. it takes a lot for a man to make me to cry... ii think this will take a toll on me when my true love really comes along, but if he's true then he will be understanding... im not bitter when it comes to men, ii dont think "they are all the same" but ii dont get serious with most dudes. I keep it basic and surface nothin to deep and nothin that will keep me emotionally attatched to him... but ii am aware of this and yes, ii am working on it!

--->ii hate fuck** textin!!! man fa real! aim'n someone and text'n is different things!! ii hate when u dont want to text and u just dont respond and they send the same text over and over again! lol man if u aim me and ii dont aim back them u get the point... lol but no in a text u wanna send that message over and over and over!!! LOL ooo that makes me so mad... and then eventually u get that message "man y u aint textin me back" LOL cuz ii dont want to damn... now if i have to text then ok but ii hate havin long ass conversations in text when on the phone it would take 3 minutes to have the same conversation!

--->ii hate wearin panties... ii mean ii do wear em ii just hate them shits tho! like fa real... soon as ii come home from work ii have to take a shower so that ii can get out of em' man ii hate em all too... thongs, briefs, boy shorts... all of em dont matter ii just hate wearin them... lol kinda weird! its not like ii walk out my house without any on well maybe once or twice but its not a habit.... lol :]

--->vanilla is my favorite scent, from candles to body wash to car freshener everything... ii love the smell of vanilla, ii dont know why but it smells so good to me...

.. so who would i be...

Waiting to Exhale's, Bernadine 'Bernie' Harris, ii would have wanted to be her becasue she was a strong woman with strong views and personality.. aside burning her cheatin ass husbands car, she still helped him run a successful business, had a nice house, car and had girlfriends that she loved and loved her back.. She also had a free spirit... when she had first cut her hair and went to the club and she was the only one dancin while all her friends talked about her hair cut!! LOL get it girl! cant let nobody hold you down!! not even a damn cheater!!! For thoes that didnt know, this movie was directed by Forest Witaker!

Belly's Tionne... the wife of big time drug dealer Sincere... She was a ride or die, she was a solid type chic... she lived the life did what she had to do for her man. Besides all the drugs and guns she was a great wife. She made her husband a better man. made him see there was more to life than just drugs and fast money! Tionne was calm and got her point across by gettin straight to the point. She even held her own when they tried to run in her house looking for her husband! She is a REAL type chick! Nas was one of the writters for the movie, so if he had any influence on this character GREAT JOB!!


Lean on Me's, Ms. Levias... She was a woman who was strong and knew what she wanted out of life. She held her tounge when she needed to, but also didnt back down when she felt she was getting walked all over. She loved what she did, she was very passionate about making a difference. Well educated, classy & very graceful! A strong black woman!

Making Love vs. Fucking

Do you know the difference between making love and fucking??

In my own words, fuckin is just that... it has no real meaning... Rough, fast & A LOT of sweat!! When a man is fuckin a woman he will NOT kiss her!! Sometimes he won't even make eye contact... neither are thinkin about their partners just their own pleasures... there will be no holdin afterwards... just a quick break and back @ it again!!

Makin love, is the kissing, rubbin, caressin, touchin, lickin, suckin & fuckin... all the four play... you feel ur partners every move... you want to please them as bad as you want to be pleased... kissing is one of the most sensual things between lovers... a tounge kiss has much more meaning than fucking alone... soft pulls of the hair, slow and fast... makin love is a connection, a bond that goes beyond the bodies... u feel it with every stare into ur partners eyes... from the way they hold you, they way they kiss you... and when they lay with you afterwards...

Are you and your partner fuckin or makin love???

Don't get me wrong there is nothin wrong with fuckin, but eventually you are goin to want something more... ii think that fuckin is very healthy, but u can't fuck everybody... and everybody you fuck, you can not make love to!!!

...would you...

If ii cried, would you care??
If ii was sad, would u make me laugh??
If ii fell down, would you help me up??
If ii was hungry, would you feed me??
If ii was cold, would you make me warm??
If ii was needed shade, would u be my tree??
If ii was sick, would u take care of me??
If ii needed a hug would u hug me??
If ii needed a kiss, would you kiss me??
If ii was thirsty, would u give me somethin to drink??
If ii made a mistake, would u tell me everythin is ok??

If EVER ii needed you would U be there??


Sometimes its not what you do, its how you do it... would u do it cuz ii want you 2 or because you wanted 2... would u do it with love?? Is it second nature for you??
Or are u doin it cuz ii ask you 2??

...The Start of 08...

I have an amazing best friend who ii can call for anything. But in 07, we had a rough year, very rocky... we were on two different pages in our lives and careers and it took a toll on us. I felt she could be doing better, and she felt she was doing her best! So we wasn't calling each other everyday, not going out as much... we were growing apart... she had to think about everything that ii was telling her and realized she could be doing more, but ii needed to change the way ii say things sometime... but she did what she had to do to get to a better place... She had got TWO jobs, a car and was moving out in a month!! We were restoring the past two months of distance and decided that we needed to go out, Just me & her! Not the rest of our group. She decided to drive, so she picked me up and we were on our way...

We leave the get together & we were having a normal conversation... about how cute we looked that night, what the plans for tomorrow were & what we were going to do after we split up. Less than a mile away from my house, sitting and waiting patiently @ a red light ii picked up my digital camera and began going through the night's events. The light changed and we were making a left hand turn but before ii knew it ii was crying and in so much pain. The driver had ran the light.

As my best friend rest her head on my shoulder in disbelief, crying from the pain. I slowly ask her, "are you alright," she replied "ii think so..." ii then tell her "ii cant feel my legs..." ii don't look to see what has happened... ii try to reach for my phone ii scream "ii need to call my mom!!" Sierra {my bf} begins to panic when she sees that the car is smoking, she jumps out the car as fast as she could and yells, "Tree we have to get out, the car might catch on fire" ii yell back ii cant move" that's when ii look to see what wrong with my legs.. the glove compartment had been smashed into my legs... so many thoughts ran through my head, was ii going to be able to walk again? will they have to give me fake legs? so many things... I hear Sierra yelling to the witnesses, "please help my best friend out the car, she cant move her legs... please someone help her"

As the ambulance arrived, they pulled me out the car, ii felt weak like my body had been hit with a million baseball bats all at one time!! As Sierra & ii took this ride to the hospital, naked and scared, {they cut all of our clothes, even our under garments} we held hands, both shaking, feeling each others fears with every shake!! My thoughts now are: Sierra you worked so hard for your car, two jobs and you lost it in less than 5 seconds due to someones ignorance and negligence... ii cared more about her and her accomplishments, as she cared more about me and my well-being...

ii didn't get a chance to tell her that ii was so proud of her and how far she had come with getting not one but two jobs and a new car!! ii never said good job! it was gone before ii could!! ii was afraid that ii would never get the chance to tell her!! {tear}

we were both drugged immediately after the accident and went for x-rays & scans.. . about 6 hours in the removed my neck brace and informed me that ii have sever nerve damage in both my legs and soft tissue damage in my legs & later ii found out that ii had a hairline fracture in my collarbone. Both wrist were put in ace bandages and braces were put on both legs and ii was given crutches and released.

@ that same time, Sierra was in the bed across from me and they told her she would need to keep her neck brace on and that she would have to stay. She had lost feeling in her left side and her neck & back were hurt. she couldn't walk the first two days. shes doing a lot better now!

I have to say that this made me so thankful for a lot of things. I may be materialistic sometimes and very shallow, when in reality, if ii would have lost my life that night, none of those things would have mattered... when it is my turn to walk with God, my clothes or shoes wont matter, my job, car, hair... nothing will matter...

Sierra, ii wouldn't want to have been in that car with anyone else but you.. ii am so glad that we both will make a full recovery from this!!! ii love you so much!! and ii am so PROUD of you!!!!

Satrina "Tree" Love