...damn...

so its been some shit thats been sittin on my mind and in my heart for a few days now... ii just didnt know how to put it in words let alone write a blog about it... hell still dont know but im goin to vent and see where that goes....

the question ii keep asking myself is why cant ii let you go?? ii need to let you go... if you dont see a future with me then why am ii here? whats the point of spending time with someone and getting to know them if nothin is goin to come out of it? yes you make me smile, you make me laugh and the whole shit and ii like being around you but @ the same time how can ii be ok with where we stand eventually we move forward or we move on... ii cant waste my time thinkin and havin false hopes of this goin somewhere when its not... its crazy how you can care for someone so much that letting go may be the best thing... but @ the same time its easier said than done... when someone says "Tree how is HE doin" and all ii can do is smile... you have a ringtone that no one else in my phone has so when it rings and im in the front ii know its you! but ii WONT wait around thinking this can be more when that is not wat you want... when im @ work ii smile sometime for no reason just because ii thought about you... :) these last couple days ii have been goin crazy just thinkin that this could be our not so happy ending... :( ii dont want that, but ii have to do what makes me happy... ii care about you yes ii do but ii care about me more... ii guess its easier said than done tho.... or im just being a sissy about the shit... but hell im a girl what can ii say... and the thing thats killin me ii dont know if ii am ready to let go... ii have two choices either wait around knowin this isnt goin anywhere and take it for what it is... or ii can move on... but knowin me im not the kind of person to "take shit for what it is" and if ii leave you alone, im LEAVIN you alone!! so ii just got a lot of shit to figure out... but ii dont regret anything... and whatever decision ii make ii will have to live with that... but when ii look back on this shit in 10 years and say damn ii remember him, and im goin to still smile...

currently listenin to - Marc Dorsey ii crave

"kiss me like you will never see me again" -A. Keys