... ii want a reality show...

as ii was watchin tv... all these reality shows were poppin up randomly... tryin 2 find people "true love".. new york, flav, tila, && now daminico!!! man if they got shows ii deserve a damn show!! find me true love!!! ii got a story plot that would go through the roof right now!!! I'd have everyone watching my show!! just watch someone is goin 2 pick it up!! lol ur gonna see me on tv!!

...Friends...

... how many of us have them, friends... lol

ii think ii am very lucky 2 have all the people around me that ii do!! my friends are the family that ii pick!! ii dont have 2 have them iiN my life... but ii do!! if ever ii have considered you a friend then you are someone special to me... ii am a very loyal person so friends mean a lot me...

iiN earlier blogs, it tells you that I'm goin through a tough situation right now... this weekend with my inner circle was just what ii needed! ii just needed time with them, to take my mind off the situation @ hand!! it made me realize ii have a great life, friends that love me and family who cares... ii dont HAVE to deal with this!! fa real!! why am ii wastin my time?? its easier said than done but its waaayyy easier with my friends around!! so thanks 2 all my friends this ones for you!!!

song of the day---> Mary J's Just Fine!

Bein Me

ii am also a poet... ii've been writing since ii was about 13 or 14 years old... and this is like my "signature" piece... enjoy it!!!

ii am a proud fat girl
ii am not a size 4 nor am ii someone's whore
but ii will tell you what ii am

ii am smart, sophisticated, & very talented
I'm not disrespectful or rude
but if you make me mad
ii will get an attitude

guys look @ me and sum say "ooohh baby, wats up witchu"
and others they dont even look my way

but that doesn't discourage me, imma keep doin my thug thang

ii dont need charity or anybody feelin sorry for me cuz ii am happy with my fat feet big thighs && wide hips!

to all the big girls iiN the world, we are no longer called fat, obese, over-weight or healthy

we are now "stupid thick" & not stupid for thinkin we thick!

there is no one that can tell me ii am not a queen because ii know ii am
&& if bein me means bein fat well then ii am happy with that!

Satrina "Tree" Love

...Today is good day...

well I'm off to a new start... ii will offiically let him go... there is no turning back!! ii know ii can't just turn my feelings off but ii can't think with my heart ii have 2 think with my head!! thats the only way ii will get through this... ii mean damn its crazy when everythin feels so right somethin has 2 go wrong.... but I'm a stronger beliver iiN "everything happens for a reason" god has a plan for me... so I'm iiN no rush...

y ii am so cold-hearted!!

your first reaction is the right one... ii live by that!! if thats how ii reacted then thats how ii felt... and this is how I'm feeling!!

so this dude ii was dealin with added fuel to the fire... why I'm so cold-hearted...

ii mean I'm a strong girl, ii dont wear my heart on my sleeve, and more times than most its hard 2 get to know me!! but this dude really just let me down ... I'm more hurt than mad because ii gave him a second chance to prove me wrong...

so ii knew he had a baby mom... shit ii was the one who he was with when she went into labor!! ii dropped him off @ the fuckin hospital!! he tells me ohh I'm not fuckin wit her aint fucked wit her iiN hella long... this and that!! but ii know baby's mom is another word for "steady pussy" meanin it aint goin no where!! the mother of my child is verrry different!! but so he had been tryin 2 get @ me for a while waaayyy before the baby situation.. I'm like no we friends we can kick it be coo ya know but thats it, ii loved bein around him, kickin it wit him... everythin so ii wasn't ready 2 let him go... everyday he like Tree ii wanna be wit you and only you... nobody else... ii can't see you with anyone else...

but 2day, took the fuckin cake!!

we are textin! and all of a sudden his baby moms is textin me all ii say is "blood take that up with your baby dad" I'm not his girl so whatev... then she calls me .. so I'm like wooow... ii didn't lose my cool yet! she says to him "gimme a kiss baby" and he does ii hear that shit then she says... "here satrina wants to talk to you" he says "who" and then ii LOSE it!! he acted like he didn't know me.. damn how does that make me feel?? so he starts lien && sum mo' shit!! so he hangs up the phone, then she calls me back... askin hella questions so I'm honest with her... I'm hott @ this point!! so ii tell her 2 put me on speakerphone and thats when ii really fly off the handle... I'm like you lien ass punk! you just seen me the other night!! fuckin punk!! when ii did stop talkin 2 yo faggot ass you begged me back!! told me all kinda shit... you know but I was still like no, but it was different this time so ii decided to give him another chance... that was a little while ago... so we been coo ever since...

if he woulda atleast acted like he knew me ii dont think ii would been that mad... ii woulda been like hey oh well... but damn dont dismiss me like I'm nothin!

so last night he told me he was fallin iiN love wit "Tree" and already loved Satrina!! wow! did he do all this just 2 try 2 fuck me?? cuz ii NEVER fucked him!! ii thought he would have been the one 2 give me something more than sex... so ii waited and yes I'm glad ii did...

does she know about me?? all the times we talked?? when she was havin the baby he was with me... kissed me goodbye everything!! @ his grandpa's house @ his moms house iiN the blue room!! he's fallin iiN love!! damn thats deep! cuz ii been around for the past 6 or 7 months.. but he been tryin 2 get @ me for the past year!

and you know what, it wasn't game... ii know he can't honestly say he didn't... if it was all about sex, most dudes would have moved on after the first 5 nos! but yes he was persistant! and still is cuz he still aint "pulled down my drawls" as he would say... he knows that ii did him right, even tho he wasn't my dude he knows ii was there and ii woulda been!! and vice versa!! aint no way!! he coulda been playin a game!!

but hey you win sum you lose sum.. right? so another sad love song... ;(