... ii want a reality show...

as ii was watchin tv... all these reality shows were poppin up randomly... tryin 2 find people "true love".. new york, flav, tila, && now daminico!!! man if they got shows ii deserve a damn show!! find me true love!!! ii got a story plot that would go through the roof right now!!! I'd have everyone watching my show!! just watch someone is goin 2 pick it up!! lol ur gonna see me on tv!!

...Friends...

... how many of us have them, friends... lol

ii think ii am very lucky 2 have all the people around me that ii do!! my friends are the family that ii pick!! ii dont have 2 have them iiN my life... but ii do!! if ever ii have considered you a friend then you are someone special to me... ii am a very loyal person so friends mean a lot me...

iiN earlier blogs, it tells you that I'm goin through a tough situation right now... this weekend with my inner circle was just what ii needed! ii just needed time with them, to take my mind off the situation @ hand!! it made me realize ii have a great life, friends that love me and family who cares... ii dont HAVE to deal with this!! fa real!! why am ii wastin my time?? its easier said than done but its waaayyy easier with my friends around!! so thanks 2 all my friends this ones for you!!!

song of the day---> Mary J's Just Fine!

Bein Me

ii am also a poet... ii've been writing since ii was about 13 or 14 years old... and this is like my "signature" piece... enjoy it!!!

ii am a proud fat girl
ii am not a size 4 nor am ii someone's whore
but ii will tell you what ii am

ii am smart, sophisticated, & very talented
I'm not disrespectful or rude
but if you make me mad
ii will get an attitude

guys look @ me and sum say "ooohh baby, wats up witchu"
and others they dont even look my way

but that doesn't discourage me, imma keep doin my thug thang

ii dont need charity or anybody feelin sorry for me cuz ii am happy with my fat feet big thighs && wide hips!

to all the big girls iiN the world, we are no longer called fat, obese, over-weight or healthy

we are now "stupid thick" & not stupid for thinkin we thick!

there is no one that can tell me ii am not a queen because ii know ii am
&& if bein me means bein fat well then ii am happy with that!

Satrina "Tree" Love

...Today is good day...

well I'm off to a new start... ii will offiically let him go... there is no turning back!! ii know ii can't just turn my feelings off but ii can't think with my heart ii have 2 think with my head!! thats the only way ii will get through this... ii mean damn its crazy when everythin feels so right somethin has 2 go wrong.... but I'm a stronger beliver iiN "everything happens for a reason" god has a plan for me... so I'm iiN no rush...

y ii am so cold-hearted!!

your first reaction is the right one... ii live by that!! if thats how ii reacted then thats how ii felt... and this is how I'm feeling!!

so this dude ii was dealin with added fuel to the fire... why I'm so cold-hearted...

ii mean I'm a strong girl, ii dont wear my heart on my sleeve, and more times than most its hard 2 get to know me!! but this dude really just let me down ... I'm more hurt than mad because ii gave him a second chance to prove me wrong...

so ii knew he had a baby mom... shit ii was the one who he was with when she went into labor!! ii dropped him off @ the fuckin hospital!! he tells me ohh I'm not fuckin wit her aint fucked wit her iiN hella long... this and that!! but ii know baby's mom is another word for "steady pussy" meanin it aint goin no where!! the mother of my child is verrry different!! but so he had been tryin 2 get @ me for a while waaayyy before the baby situation.. I'm like no we friends we can kick it be coo ya know but thats it, ii loved bein around him, kickin it wit him... everythin so ii wasn't ready 2 let him go... everyday he like Tree ii wanna be wit you and only you... nobody else... ii can't see you with anyone else...

but 2day, took the fuckin cake!!

we are textin! and all of a sudden his baby moms is textin me all ii say is "blood take that up with your baby dad" I'm not his girl so whatev... then she calls me .. so I'm like wooow... ii didn't lose my cool yet! she says to him "gimme a kiss baby" and he does ii hear that shit then she says... "here satrina wants to talk to you" he says "who" and then ii LOSE it!! he acted like he didn't know me.. damn how does that make me feel?? so he starts lien && sum mo' shit!! so he hangs up the phone, then she calls me back... askin hella questions so I'm honest with her... I'm hott @ this point!! so ii tell her 2 put me on speakerphone and thats when ii really fly off the handle... I'm like you lien ass punk! you just seen me the other night!! fuckin punk!! when ii did stop talkin 2 yo faggot ass you begged me back!! told me all kinda shit... you know but I was still like no, but it was different this time so ii decided to give him another chance... that was a little while ago... so we been coo ever since...

if he woulda atleast acted like he knew me ii dont think ii would been that mad... ii woulda been like hey oh well... but damn dont dismiss me like I'm nothin!

so last night he told me he was fallin iiN love wit "Tree" and already loved Satrina!! wow! did he do all this just 2 try 2 fuck me?? cuz ii NEVER fucked him!! ii thought he would have been the one 2 give me something more than sex... so ii waited and yes I'm glad ii did...

does she know about me?? all the times we talked?? when she was havin the baby he was with me... kissed me goodbye everything!! @ his grandpa's house @ his moms house iiN the blue room!! he's fallin iiN love!! damn thats deep! cuz ii been around for the past 6 or 7 months.. but he been tryin 2 get @ me for the past year!

and you know what, it wasn't game... ii know he can't honestly say he didn't... if it was all about sex, most dudes would have moved on after the first 5 nos! but yes he was persistant! and still is cuz he still aint "pulled down my drawls" as he would say... he knows that ii did him right, even tho he wasn't my dude he knows ii was there and ii woulda been!! and vice versa!! aint no way!! he coulda been playin a game!!

but hey you win sum you lose sum.. right? so another sad love song... ;(

did u know this about me....

So here are the 7 things people dont know about me:

--->ii am afraid of going broke, its not like ii am obsessed with money or nothin. im not selfish with it nothin like that, but as a child we didnt have much... my mom provided the best way she could, did what she had to do to feed us. But ii dont ever want to live pay check to pay check. So as soon as ii turned 14 ii got a job and ii paid for school clothes and saved the rest in case of a rainy day! ii have worked hard ever since that summer. At one point in my life ii worked three jobs. ii feel that if ii ave less than $300 in the bank then im close to broke, but no matter what ii would never let anyone know that or will ii show it... so yes im afraid of going broke.


--->ii love love chocolate milk.. lol kinda wack but ii love it.. and ii like it homemade... ii just get the nesquik and some icey cold milk and make it... lol mad its the bomb... id drink it over soda, juice.. everything... if ii can make it on my own then hellz yes!!! hahah

--->ii am a reader, ii enjoy reading all types of novels... my favorites are fiction romance... lol ii read Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris, Zane, Sistah Soulja, Michael Baisden, Omar Tryee etc... my favorite book right now is Men Cry in the Dark by Michael Baisden... ii wear my glasses and read mostly @ night when im gettin ready to go to bed, if im not too tired... lol [[so old lady like]] but this is not something that ii tell alot of people... my collection is pretty diverse! come check me out! lol

--->ii am a little cold-hearted... ii well maybe more than a little... but ii didnt grow up with a father, just my mom and my brother and my sister.... my step-dad was around but it still was an un-healthy... its hard for someone to really get to know me as far as a male companion... im not too trustin sometime emotionless.. it takes a lot for a man to make me to cry... ii think this will take a toll on me when my true love really comes along, but if he's true then he will be understanding... im not bitter when it comes to men, ii dont think "they are all the same" but ii dont get serious with most dudes. I keep it basic and surface nothin to deep and nothin that will keep me emotionally attatched to him... but ii am aware of this and yes, ii am working on it!

--->ii hate fuck** textin!!! man fa real! aim'n someone and text'n is different things!! ii hate when u dont want to text and u just dont respond and they send the same text over and over again! lol man if u aim me and ii dont aim back them u get the point... lol but no in a text u wanna send that message over and over and over!!! LOL ooo that makes me so mad... and then eventually u get that message "man y u aint textin me back" LOL cuz ii dont want to damn... now if i have to text then ok but ii hate havin long ass conversations in text when on the phone it would take 3 minutes to have the same conversation!

--->ii hate wearin panties... ii mean ii do wear em ii just hate them shits tho! like fa real... soon as ii come home from work ii have to take a shower so that ii can get out of em' man ii hate em all too... thongs, briefs, boy shorts... all of em dont matter ii just hate wearin them... lol kinda weird! its not like ii walk out my house without any on well maybe once or twice but its not a habit.... lol :]

--->vanilla is my favorite scent, from candles to body wash to car freshener everything... ii love the smell of vanilla, ii dont know why but it smells so good to me...

.. so who would i be...

Waiting to Exhale's, Bernadine 'Bernie' Harris, ii would have wanted to be her becasue she was a strong woman with strong views and personality.. aside burning her cheatin ass husbands car, she still helped him run a successful business, had a nice house, car and had girlfriends that she loved and loved her back.. She also had a free spirit... when she had first cut her hair and went to the club and she was the only one dancin while all her friends talked about her hair cut!! LOL get it girl! cant let nobody hold you down!! not even a damn cheater!!! For thoes that didnt know, this movie was directed by Forest Witaker!

Belly's Tionne... the wife of big time drug dealer Sincere... She was a ride or die, she was a solid type chic... she lived the life did what she had to do for her man. Besides all the drugs and guns she was a great wife. She made her husband a better man. made him see there was more to life than just drugs and fast money! Tionne was calm and got her point across by gettin straight to the point. She even held her own when they tried to run in her house looking for her husband! She is a REAL type chick! Nas was one of the writters for the movie, so if he had any influence on this character GREAT JOB!!


Lean on Me's, Ms. Levias... She was a woman who was strong and knew what she wanted out of life. She held her tounge when she needed to, but also didnt back down when she felt she was getting walked all over. She loved what she did, she was very passionate about making a difference. Well educated, classy & very graceful! A strong black woman!

Making Love vs. Fucking

Do you know the difference between making love and fucking??

In my own words, fuckin is just that... it has no real meaning... Rough, fast & A LOT of sweat!! When a man is fuckin a woman he will NOT kiss her!! Sometimes he won't even make eye contact... neither are thinkin about their partners just their own pleasures... there will be no holdin afterwards... just a quick break and back @ it again!!

Makin love, is the kissing, rubbin, caressin, touchin, lickin, suckin & fuckin... all the four play... you feel ur partners every move... you want to please them as bad as you want to be pleased... kissing is one of the most sensual things between lovers... a tounge kiss has much more meaning than fucking alone... soft pulls of the hair, slow and fast... makin love is a connection, a bond that goes beyond the bodies... u feel it with every stare into ur partners eyes... from the way they hold you, they way they kiss you... and when they lay with you afterwards...

Are you and your partner fuckin or makin love???

Don't get me wrong there is nothin wrong with fuckin, but eventually you are goin to want something more... ii think that fuckin is very healthy, but u can't fuck everybody... and everybody you fuck, you can not make love to!!!

...would you...

If ii cried, would you care??
If ii was sad, would u make me laugh??
If ii fell down, would you help me up??
If ii was hungry, would you feed me??
If ii was cold, would you make me warm??
If ii was needed shade, would u be my tree??
If ii was sick, would u take care of me??
If ii needed a hug would u hug me??
If ii needed a kiss, would you kiss me??
If ii was thirsty, would u give me somethin to drink??
If ii made a mistake, would u tell me everythin is ok??

If EVER ii needed you would U be there??


Sometimes its not what you do, its how you do it... would u do it cuz ii want you 2 or because you wanted 2... would u do it with love?? Is it second nature for you??
Or are u doin it cuz ii ask you 2??

...The Start of 08...

I have an amazing best friend who ii can call for anything. But in 07, we had a rough year, very rocky... we were on two different pages in our lives and careers and it took a toll on us. I felt she could be doing better, and she felt she was doing her best! So we wasn't calling each other everyday, not going out as much... we were growing apart... she had to think about everything that ii was telling her and realized she could be doing more, but ii needed to change the way ii say things sometime... but she did what she had to do to get to a better place... She had got TWO jobs, a car and was moving out in a month!! We were restoring the past two months of distance and decided that we needed to go out, Just me & her! Not the rest of our group. She decided to drive, so she picked me up and we were on our way...

We leave the get together & we were having a normal conversation... about how cute we looked that night, what the plans for tomorrow were & what we were going to do after we split up. Less than a mile away from my house, sitting and waiting patiently @ a red light ii picked up my digital camera and began going through the night's events. The light changed and we were making a left hand turn but before ii knew it ii was crying and in so much pain. The driver had ran the light.

As my best friend rest her head on my shoulder in disbelief, crying from the pain. I slowly ask her, "are you alright," she replied "ii think so..." ii then tell her "ii cant feel my legs..." ii don't look to see what has happened... ii try to reach for my phone ii scream "ii need to call my mom!!" Sierra {my bf} begins to panic when she sees that the car is smoking, she jumps out the car as fast as she could and yells, "Tree we have to get out, the car might catch on fire" ii yell back ii cant move" that's when ii look to see what wrong with my legs.. the glove compartment had been smashed into my legs... so many thoughts ran through my head, was ii going to be able to walk again? will they have to give me fake legs? so many things... I hear Sierra yelling to the witnesses, "please help my best friend out the car, she cant move her legs... please someone help her"

As the ambulance arrived, they pulled me out the car, ii felt weak like my body had been hit with a million baseball bats all at one time!! As Sierra & ii took this ride to the hospital, naked and scared, {they cut all of our clothes, even our under garments} we held hands, both shaking, feeling each others fears with every shake!! My thoughts now are: Sierra you worked so hard for your car, two jobs and you lost it in less than 5 seconds due to someones ignorance and negligence... ii cared more about her and her accomplishments, as she cared more about me and my well-being...

ii didn't get a chance to tell her that ii was so proud of her and how far she had come with getting not one but two jobs and a new car!! ii never said good job! it was gone before ii could!! ii was afraid that ii would never get the chance to tell her!! {tear}

we were both drugged immediately after the accident and went for x-rays & scans.. . about 6 hours in the removed my neck brace and informed me that ii have sever nerve damage in both my legs and soft tissue damage in my legs & later ii found out that ii had a hairline fracture in my collarbone. Both wrist were put in ace bandages and braces were put on both legs and ii was given crutches and released.

@ that same time, Sierra was in the bed across from me and they told her she would need to keep her neck brace on and that she would have to stay. She had lost feeling in her left side and her neck & back were hurt. she couldn't walk the first two days. shes doing a lot better now!

I have to say that this made me so thankful for a lot of things. I may be materialistic sometimes and very shallow, when in reality, if ii would have lost my life that night, none of those things would have mattered... when it is my turn to walk with God, my clothes or shoes wont matter, my job, car, hair... nothing will matter...

Sierra, ii wouldn't want to have been in that car with anyone else but you.. ii am so glad that we both will make a full recovery from this!!! ii love you so much!! and ii am so PROUD of you!!!!

Satrina "Tree" Love